Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
