im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
