I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
