i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
