So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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