like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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