you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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