hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
