Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
