Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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