you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
