I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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