She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
