You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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