It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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