So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize