Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
