The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
