Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
