Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize