he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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