There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
