Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My life is pants optional.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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