I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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