i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
