Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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