Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
