unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
