I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
