Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
