Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish i was in the wii world.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
