So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
