dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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