its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
