Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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