Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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