I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
