I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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