It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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