Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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