I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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