Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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