I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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