Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
