Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
