okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
