Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
