Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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