So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
