He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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