I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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