i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
