I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
