I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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