I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
