She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
