i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
