dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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