Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
