Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
