It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
