I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize