Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
