My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
