not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
