Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
false alarm. still invincible.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
