Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
