Me too!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
