I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize