Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
